fuck up,make up, move on

saturday night
we all sat round the table in the sweltering heat
they were talking about their cousin who has been diagnosed with anerexia.
the subject slowly changed to depression and cutting.
i crossed my arms and hoped they wouldnt notice
they talked about all the people that smoked
and that they were all messed up
i sat their in silence
they wrinkled their noses in discust at those people that were not like them
i told them that i would never do anything like that
it was so easy to lie
i have done it my whole life
will i be lying to people for the rest of my life
will i be lying to myself
i left my stanley at home
we had art today and i spent a full 20 minutes looking at the selection
i chose one with all the blades in it
people in my class laugh and slap me on the back
they will never know what happens during those breaks
"does anyone notice that the disabled toilet is always ocupied?"
she doesnt know
ill try to be normal until you get here
i really miss you.
all of you.