fuck up,make up, move on

its not going to be the same this year.. christmas i mean
there are 4 days to go
and there are no presents under the tree
i dont have any idea what i want
i dont want things like i used to
i dont want a new phone or a hair straightener or an ipod
i just want money to go shopping for clothes with friends
but i dont want to not have anything under the tree
i know its not going to be the same anymore
i think last year was my last christmas.. and it breaks my heart
i dont want to grow up yet..
iv been forced into it
and these salty tears wont bring my childhood back
i apologise if i dont spend this week hanging out with you
but i have lots of time for that
and i feel like my time with my parents and brothers is numbered
because i know im not going to feel like this for long
and im going to lose them
so im not coming on tuesday
because im not coming out at all this week
please try to understand
i need this last christmas
so im going to try and hold on
im sorry