fuck up,make up, move on

why is it so much easier there
i never felt the need to cry
not once
and the first night back here..


As her mother leaves the room she lies back on the bed and relaxes, the stream that she has been holding off for so long suddenly over flows and a single tear drops down onto her fat ugly cheek. She sighs and rests her hands on her forehead in surrender. The night she knew was never going to be a happy one. She repeats the words in her head, trying to understand. All she can think is that she wants to go back... she thinks, they don't have break downs like this, they don't ever cry unless its something big. Why am i so weak?! Why am i so stupid?! Why am i so fucked up. All i wanted was to see them, to maybe make them happy or even for them to make me happy, save me from this routine. She scrunches her hands into fists and beats them on her legs. She looks like a pathetic child throwing a tantrum, and really that's all she is a pathetic child. The way she looks, the way she talks, the way she lives. Some stupid girl screwing with herself just to please others.